One more time (3)

PREVIOUSLY: There's a strained silence in the car, and I know the both of us are remembering the times we shared, and how we hadn't made any contact in 3 years...

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29: So during that horrible strained silence, I realized that Ian was the reason I had changed so much. I never ever wanted to feel that hurt and crushed ever again in my life. Can you imagine the devastation? Having been in love with the guy for four years, and he didn't even have the decency to say 'goodbye' or 'take care' to me. And I can excuse him for not saying that even though I had been secretly in love with him, but what I can't excuse is the fact that we had been best friends for 10 bloody years...

'Era, I never had the chance to say I was sorry after driving off that day. I was shocked, Era! I didn't mean to hurt you...because, I think I love you too. There's not been a day that has passed since you've left that I haven't kicked myself for not stopping you, for not telling you how much I loved you too....Era?'

He must have finally noticed my expression. The pain, how I had been right all along, how I had gone about thinking and reliving that scene so many times since I left...

'Ian...stop! Just stop! It doesn't matter anymore. I promised myself that I would never ever feel that way for you ever again. I promised myself that I would never let someone else have the power to crush me ever again. And besides, I've been gone for three years now, I've met other people Ian. You didn't honestly think I would wait for you, did you?'

Ian looked like he had been slapped in the face. He didn't need to know, that what I said wasn't true...at all. That he was still always on my mind. For even though Ian was a carbon copy of everyone else, he was different, deep down. And that's what tears me up inside, I love him, but not his carbon copy self, his true self, the self he had shown to me countless times. His quirky sense of humour, his kindness, his inability to be mean, his humility and basically everything about him.

Ian is very much out of my league, and I realised this a long time ago. But I hoped. And I learned just how much pain hoping caused. So, although my heart soared at what Ian had just said, I knew he deserved better, so I said I had moved on. And sure he'd be hurt for a while, but in the long run, he would be better off for it, right?

By the time I had thought all of this, Ian had pulled up at my father's mansion. Ian gets out of the car without looking at me, and goes to the boot of his car and unpacks my bags. He then turns, gives me a curt nod and climbs back into his car and guns the engine. I was suddenly transported to the entrance of the airport, three years ago, and I had to work hard to stop myself from hyperventilating.

I had changed so much in three years, but I've been back for barely a couple of hours, and I have been transported back to the awkward kid I used to be. The overly emotional one, the one I despised.

'Ian! Wait! I lied, Ian! I LIED!!'

Obviously he didn't hear me, he just kept driving, and that over powering feeling of loneliness consumed me once again.

I take a deep breath, collect my luggage, and march my way up to the entrance of that despicable mansion that I would be calling home for the next-god-knows-how-long. I ring the bell, and wait for Jasper, my father's butler, to get the door. The moment it opens, I stride in, like I own the place, and honestly, I almost do.

'Hey Jasper! Missed me? I know! Me too, mate! Here's the bags for you to take upstairs, you know which room I want. Oh right, where's the old toad? Still alive and kicking?'

'Good evening, Miss Cavanaugh. And yes, it's a pleasure to see you so...assertive and it gives me great joy that you didn't miss your flight. Also the "old toad" as you put it, is still kicking, so to speak and demands an audience with you immediately.'

Jasper obviously wasn't very happy to see me, but who cares. I had a bigger fish on my plate, or in this case, toad.

So I stride into the library where my...father is waiting. I don't even bother plastering a fake smile on my face, instead I just walk over to one of the arm chairs and sit, my back towards him.

'Oh, I see the pretentious airs of your mother haven't been lost after all. What joy.'

I jump off my arm chair, so angry that my whole body is actually quivering. Given the opportunity I would have reduced the old toad into the ashes he deserved to be.

'How dare you?! How dare you ever bring up my mother, you filthy murderer?!'

TO BE CONTINUED
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