The Fallacy of Love

Could it be? That what I was feeling inside... Was it... Love? Or was it just my hormones playing tricks on me again? Well, I had to decide, and decide quick, because my cheeks were this close to hers, and our breathing could be heard by the other. Standing this close to each other, our feelings towards each other probably was mutual: We wanted more of each other.

But was I willing to go that far?

Too many times in the past have I been hurt before, hurt by those I love, because they are the only ones who can truly hurt. If someone murders your sister, you are hurt because your sister was murdered, not because someone muredered your sister, if you get my drift. So, after so many falls into the abyss, I am hesitant about entering myself into another relationship. Another chance for me to experience pain, for me to fall into a deep oppresive state.

I remember, though, the first time I fell in love. I was young, she was young, and love was young. The pieces fell into place almost like clockwork: If you loved her and she loved you, then both of you were meant to be together. How foolish, how shallow. But nothing smells, feels, and tastes as good as the feeling of new love; The love that you first feel for someone for the very first time, the love that would nudge you, nay, force you to do anything for the other.

Sad, though, that this love tends to fade the longer a relationship holds. And when that fine line tears, so does everyone's happiness. It flushes down the drain, and it dissapears, maybe forever. That happens every single time. That's why we have ex's. Do we mean it when we say, "I'll always love you"? I thought I did. I thought every single time I held a girl in my arms that it was true. I thought I would never let them go, but eventually I did, and it hurt me probably as much as it hurt them.

Did I want to love again? I was scared, sure, but yeah, I wanted it.

Did I want to get hurt again?

Knowing the answer, I leapt back to the present, where I could almost taste her on my toungue. I let her go, and I walked away, ignoring her shouts at me and her crying. I felt bad, sure, but I didn't want to feel that low again.

Editr.